Conflict in Intimate RelationshipsNov 27, 2022
There's something magical that can happen when we start to take our attention away from conflict and put more attention and energy into just ... loving.
In our pop psychology-soaked modern world, it's all too easy to get into psychologising our partners, surreptitiously trying to make them into what WE want, not who they actually are.
And hey, I've been there.
And when you are in the middle of it, the ego is so strong. It wants what it wants. It wants to be right. And for the other to be wrong. Then the whole world will make sense right?!
Once conflict starts to escalate, our fight/flight response is often so highly activated. Words come out wrong and can be very toxic to a relationship.
And when it comes to sex and intimacy, emotions can run very high. There is a lot at stake.
I had this lesson at my first Making Love Retreat. I was feeling so angry. Angry about having to 'have sex', to be intimate when I really didn't feel like it. Hell, I'd done that for too many years. I was determined to never compromise myself ever again. When I approached the teacher, and creator of the Making Love Retreat, Diana Richardson, she said to me, 'try to relax and just put your bodies together and see what happens. The body is always happy to make love.' I walked away thinking there must be a much more sophisticated answer to this problem!
But I was willing to try. We did. With no goal. And while there was no goal and no urging from my partner for it to go anywhere, a flood of healing tears emerged. It actually was liberating.
The mind will always have other ideas because it is so invested in our ego to be right, to win.
Love brings humility. Love brings grace. Love draws more love to it.
And when love goes up, the conflict goes down. Things that were so important before become superfluous. And we find we don't need so many words anymore. Life becomes simpler.
The simpler, the better.
Come join me at The Making Love Retreat in 2023. Check out my new website and dates here.
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