Are you an Invader or an Inviter?Aug 19, 2017
I once heard a male friend say, "Oh I don't like all that tantric sh..t. All that looking into people's eyes. I can't stand it."
I was amused at his 'wipe the slate' interpretation of what Tantra really is and I also was amused for equally the opposite thing - because ... I got him. I really did.
All too often I have been in situations at workshops and groups over the years where people seem to make a competition of how long they can stand and eyeball you with all their love. Or hug you for what seems like an eternity! .... And hey, I like hugs! All with good intentions I am sure.
Now I don't want to minimise the true authentic potential and depth that the meeting of the eyes has. (or long hugging for that matter). In fact, I am all for it. But let's get real.
There is a difference between invading someone's space, on even a subtle energetic level, and inviting them into space ... of simplicity and love.
Are you an invader or an inviter? Until a level of trust and rapport has been established with another, it can be pretty awkward to try and create intimacy through extended and uninvited eye contact or getting close physically.
There has to be an opening first - a pathway, a softening, a yielding.
One of the most deceptively simple yet profound ways you can create intimacy as a couple through the eyes is to first start with yourself ..... Try this little exercise... you'll see where I'm heading...
Instead of reaching out, and looking out, you start to invert your attention and bring what you see back into you. Sound strange?
Try it right now as you read. Consciously notice yourself looking AT the text, focussing all your attention OUT, as you normally would. Then take a breath in, energetically soften your eyes, even close your eyes momentarily, and open your eyes receiving IN what you see. It's subtle but really noticeably different. And it's more relaxing.
Start doing this, as you move around in your daily activities.
Consciously inviting yourself to receive IN rather than look OUT. Imagine if you were looking at your partner in this way, with relaxed eyes. Imagine how they would receive it differently compared to you looking out intently at them, over in their space.
This is a beautiful way to invite the other into the space of intimacy. Rather than invading their space, be the invitation and move into making love from a completely different angle. You will notice the difference, believe me! It can be profound and very heart-opening - 'the best foreplay ever', as one man put it!
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