Midlife Sexual IssuesMar 05, 2023
'Normal' everyday sex, over time, and in long-term relationships can often turn out to be quite stale, uninteresting, and repetitive.
And eventually, create problems that if they remain unspoken, can become like an elephant in the room for many years, causing issues that seem like they are about one thing, but if you truly dig deeper, it's because there is an unconscious sexual tension underneath.
Common everyday sex, is created through tension, is mechanical, and very routine - starts one way and finishes the same every time. It can get boring, so many try some sex toys or games, or even being with other people. But in the end, where does it really leave you?
At a deeper level, probably quite separate from each other, always looking for the next exciting thing. Never really satiated. By midlife, the underbelly of common sex starts to come to the surface with issues such as:-
For women - lack of desire, lack of lubrication, pain, uninterested, avoiding, and sometimes by this age, she has had gynecological complications, including childbirth that has made intimacy difficult. It just becomes too much effort.
For men - lack of erection, an overcharge where he peaks and discharges too quickly, or loses his erection easily.
And these are just the physical things - all these cause emotional issues for each - such as shame, embarrassment, frustration at times, and downright hopelessness.
But these things need not be a problem. Rather they can be a doorway into a whole new world of loving intimacy that is tender, connecting, and life-affirming.
There are however steps to get there. First of all, to really see clearly how common sex as we have known it actually does create problems long term and the problems mostly arise because it makes us very emotionally absent from our partners. The key is in small steps to be fully present in your body. Let go of the goal and soften with each other to that tenderness and relaxation arise instead of high tension.
What I say to couples is all you need is an open mind and a willing heart to change how you make love. But because our conditioning is so strong, it takes a huge reset and re-education about the importance of sexual intimacy that is mutually nourishing for both partners.
That's where my work comes in. There are two pathways to resetting your lovemaking:-
The Making Love Retreat - a 6-day live-in retreat in Noosa, Australia. This is a complete reset and you will absolutely leave equipped with all the tools and knowledge and body knowing that you will need to move back into your life with confidence. I have limited numbers in these retreats - only 10 couples. They are intimate and safe. And I am available throughout the week for laser coaching and support.
Private Couple Mentoring - I coach you with private sessions and a series of mini-workshops where you get to experience an immersion into this subject and support through your journey over a period of 4 - 8 weeks. For couples who cannot make it to a retreat and want to get started in this life-changing work.
And here's my new SEX, MIDLIFE, AND BEYOND free 20 min video, audio, and E-book where I share the 3 most essential things that midlife women need to know about sex and menopause.
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