The Elephant in the Room

Today I am drawing a line in the sand.

To those who are new to my work, this might all seem a bit dramatic. But the landscape has changed in the personal growth/therapy industry. Scarily so.

The therapy world has gone out of control. Well, there's too much control. Now, in one way, this is a good thing - there has to be a code of ethics for our modalities as therapists. But there is such a thing as over-regulation that causes a therapist to have their hands tied.

To be clear, what I do at The Making Love Retreat is EDUCATION. That's it. And yet, I bring half a lifetime of experience as a therapist. It informs my whole approach to my retreats. My official qualifications are Grad Dip in Teaching and a Master's Degree in Experiential and Creative Arts Therapy, including 25 years of training in many experiential modalities. To be honest, I have trained in so much that talking about it bores me and makes me feel like I have to prove myself. So I'm not going to. Yes, I am a bit radical. You can't be teaching lovemaking and sexuality and not be a bit radical.

And one thing I know about myself is that I am NOT a theoretical person. I'm a deep-feeling person. I don't remember theories well. I remember feelings well. I am not the person who will impress you with the latest flashy terms of psychology. 

But there's one thing I have noticed since Covid in my groups. People are paranoid. And oppositional. Therre, I've said it. Not everyone no. But it only takes one or two to spoil a learning environment for others. And I want to mitigate that right now. Because, well, frankly, I have had enough.

There are two major things I want to address here:-

1. Why is there no male facilitator in my Making Love Retreat Australia - listen to the video regarding this. Something I will add is that Gene, who was my male co-facilitator and my partner for many years, died in May. I had to ask him to step down as a teacher with me in 2019 because he sadly had dementia. (something I have been reluctant to mention publicly, but maybe that can make sense to those with inquiring minds now)

2. Trauma - it's a very big word and something that can be deeply misunderstood. I don't mean to minimise trauma in this video. The premise of my whole career and my natural gift seems to have been being able to deal very delicately with my clients' trauma. Because of my own trauma.

As an educator, I am deeply committed to an environment of learning that fosters growth and emotional safety for the individual and the couple.

Over my 15 years of teaching Tantra and 25 years of being a psychotherapist and as a group facilitator, I have had a long-standing protocol in place to address the issues of trauma and creating safety for individuals. These I have formed from my own lived experience of needing safety, being a highly sensitive person, and having a deep compassion for others.

Following is an excerpt from my FAQ's on the Making Love Retreat page that explains what 'Trauma-informed care' is. 

There are 6 core principles of trauma-informed care. These are all established within the group on the first day. They are:

Safety: We create a physical and emotional environment where individuals and staff feel safe. This includes ensuring privacy and confidentiality, and how we will all conduct ourselves in the context of the group.

Trustworthiness: We establish guidelines for clear, consistent and honest interactions that are respectful and transparent for the individual and group.

Choice: While everyone is encouraged to fully participate, Individuals are empowered to have choice about what they participate in and how, during the retreat. 

Collaboration: In the recognition that healing happens in relationship, Janet works in partnership and shared decision-making with participants on the first day to establish an environment of safety and mutual respect for each individual in the group fostering a sense of mutual respect and care for each person. 

Empowerment: Janet encourages individuals to recognise their own strengths, to advocate for themselves and to act upon one's own ethics. Meaning, each individual is supported for what their lived experience is, that each person's experience is unique according to their life's journey. 

Diversity: Janet encourages participants to recognise and be sensitive to cultural, historical and gender issues and differences and to refrain from any discussion that discredits any sectors. 

In conclusion....

There is one thing that I have observed. I'm going to be bold here.

Those who are most critical seem to be women.

Those who are most critical choose to focus on things outside their relationship as a way of avoiding intimacy. I feel so sad for the husband or partner who is left with a woman who is blaming and shaming.

And, then, they have an excuse to avoid the very thing they are there to practice - to make love. 

So much time, so much financial investment. Instead, the investment seems to be in being right, instead of being willing to be intimate with their deeper, more tender feelings.

If, after listening to this video and reading this, you are drawn to attend the retreat with me, feel free to explore The Making Love Retreat in Australia page.

To learn with the founders of The Making Love Retreat, Diana and Michael Richardson, click here.

For other teachers in the world, click here.