Be BraveFeb 01, 2023
Fear grips her stomach and her heart. She knows what he wants.
She knows what she needs to do to respond. To make it happen. To make him happy.
But can she do it ... just... one... more... time?
She knows she will be left feeling separate. Disconnected from him. And all she wants is to be connected to him. Not just physically, but emotionally.
Her heart is actually longing for that. But she feels caught between that longing and the tension that is building in her body. 'What's wrong with me?' she asks herself.
He can feel her pulling away. He's getting desperate too.
He keeps reaching for her in whatever way he can. But he can feel her distance. What's happened?
He just can't work it out. If he just keeps trying to connect, suggesting sex, maybe something will work. But inside, he's feeling rejected, even a little frustrated. He's a great problem solver. But this one? Well... it's got him beat.
This can happen at any age for women. And for men. But I particularly see this as women approach their 40s.
And here's the thing.
As women move through their 40s and into their perimenopausal and menopausal years, they are standing at the threshold of a huge time of their life. A time that is rich with new possibilities because there's a fierce that arises in women as they move into this stage. Then as the '50s and 60's approach, as well as this, there can be a new kind of tender that arises. With new yet different possibilities.
Women, you are the receiver when it comes to lovemaking. Yours is the body that is entered. He doesn't actually really know what that feels like, as much as you don't know what it's like for him to enter you. sometimes there is pain, sometimes you just can't go there anymore. But if you want the relationship, I encourage women to rise up and speak up. To be brave.
But contact your heart as the foundation for your speech. It will come out with more truth, and less blame. And if a man is truly willing to hear you, he will hold any feeling of hurt and listen, truly listen.
Because let's face it. Women have been silenced for too many years. We have followed what we thought was right. We have followed the lead of men because, generally, not always, but generally, our natural default is to respond, not initiate.
It's natural for a woman to rest in her innate receptivity and respond sexually. But we must listen to the voice inside that whispers or even screams, that something needs to change, because perhaps, for too many years, for too many times, we have allowed entry too early, or it's been too mechanical, too harsh, too fast. Or it just plain hurts.
So I want you to be brave. If you're a woman, be brave and say what you want to say. And if you're a man, be brave and ask, and then listen. Hold your pride with your own beautiful heart and just hear her. Because, as one who has sat for many hours with hundreds of couples in my clinic over the years, she has some wisdom to share. Some gold. Men, don't let that slip through your hands.
In an upcoming blog, I'll be sharing more from the male side and the process of devastation that occurs when he has had enough of reaching out. Because I think this is important for women to hear too.
And in the meantime, BE BRAVE. Listen to Sara Bareilles, BRAVE. It's a kind of anthem for me for courage and speaking up.
I see profound shifts in couples when they come to The Making Love Retreat. This delicate dynamic can be gently addressed with the teaching and unfolding process of embodied loving.
And if you are a woman, who just wants the space to immerse in opening to your own heart and body and be YOU, Womantime Retreat is a blessing. Love to see you there at our beautiful new venue at The Ridge, Maleny, Qld.
Advanced Womantime has been rescheduled due to injury (on my part) and illness (Melissa has had Covid). Despite almost a full group, Melissa and I were forced to make the difficult decision and live our self-care philosophy and move it to November at her beautiful property outside Maleny.
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