Hope and Strength

This is not the blog I had planned to write today. But Australia, we are a nation grieving. And I cannot ignore what is so powerfully, so palpably ‘in the field’. This platform is not political. But it is personal.  

The atrocity of the Bondi attacks has left many of us motionless, speechless, lost, and angry. 

As I watched the Bondi swimmers and surfers in this reel, create a huge circle in the blue Bondi waters, to stand for hope and strength I thought of the analogy of the ripple effect.

Quintessentially Australian, the post was a call for us to come together. To love. An act, and an action. A physical expression in community, in togetherness. As an ocean swimmer myself, it held particular meaning because the ocean is such a cleanser for me. 

This is a time to be careful. Because, as a nation and as a people, we are still in a post-trauma phase following Covid. And with many other atrocities, and the availability of information, the layers of trauma, even vicariously experienced through images and stories, can add to an already overloaded psyche.

In my many years of clinical work with couples and individuals, I have never seen such high reactivity. Such posturing to be right. Such opposition. We have become polarised. 

So this is a time to tread lightly. If you or those around you are highly reactive, it's time to take stock because there are many aspects to grief. And they lurk in the shadowy corners of our unmet emotions. And if we are not careful, we can unwittingly project outwards.

As one who experienced a very, very dark Australian winter this year, in the pit of grief, with the simultaneous loss of my dear mother, my closest friend Gene, and another dear male friend to suicide in the span of 8 weeks. Grief and its many layers have been an unwelcome but constant guest. 

Thing is - There is a portal I’ve discovered with grief. 

A kind of awakening if you will. An opening into spirit, like ‘the above’, the heavens open up, and we are in a kind of wide open void. 

A void that you can no longer avoid. A void that is so personal, so individual that no one else can be part of it. Just you and the beloved or beloveds who have gone. 

In that void is shock. Is numbness. Is a kind of silence that makes your ears scream. An anger that makes you want to strip the leaves off trees. A loss that makes you question everything. 

And a love, my God, a love. My god….A Love. 

A love that takes you hostage.

A love that arrests your mind, your heart, your soul.

A love that has you handcuffed to its unrelenting grace.

You cannot fight it. You must surrender to it. You must. You must.

For only love can make you feel this ache. This ache of ‘not rightness’ of their absence. Only love can take you by the hand and walk you down into that lonely valley. And only love, only Love can walk you out of it. 

The time after loss is sacred. Don’t squander it.

Don’t miss the sacred. Because this sky opening up eventually closes. It does, however, if you watch closely, and you have let it take you, it will leave something behind. Almost as shocking as the first shock, you start to feel some Light. As if the wings behind your heart are starting to dry out, and you can start to stretch them out a little. 

And if you remain aware and listen quietly to its whispers, you will notice that it has left your heart somehow widened. You are quick to be moved by the sight of a child playing in the sand, by the dance of sunlight on the water, by the touch or pressing embrace of a caring loved one’s arms. 

So this tragedy, the trauma of death, can somehow be an opening, an opportunity.

Don’t miss Love’s gift in grief. By closing off or minimising it. By distracting it. Because love has slid into your heart and pried it open even more. Let it do its work on you. It is now the guest you can welcome. You are no longer the same. Love has slain you. And in that slaying, you can emerge anew. For what is the meaning of life but to love? And be love?

Bring this to life now. Bring this to your day. Bring this to your relationships. Tragedy and loss can make you love more. Don’t be drawn into closing, hate, or conflict. That’s the ego’s illusion. It is so seductive. 

The world needs your love more than ever now. Be that love. Be it. Feel it. Share it. And if you don’t feel it, meet these difficult emotions inside you with the kindness of a mother to her child, a father to his little one. With compassion. Soften with them. Don’t harden with them. Soften with them, and you will find your heart again. Your love. You will feel your 'home' again. 

‘When the world feels heavy 

and the road gets long 

hold on tight. 

You’re still so strong. 

You’ve come too far 

to let this break you. 

This fire inside… 

let it wake you.’

So this yes, it is a call to arms. Not to fight but to love. To love more. 

So this Christmas, starting this moment, let’s be part of the ripple effect. 

Of love. 

Of community. 

Of togetherness. 

Of mateship. 

Let’s take the risk of loving. Let someone know you care. Let them know they are special. 

Can you truly be this love? 

I wish you peace this holiday season.

In all love,

Janet