Intimate Conversations - Why They're Important

Vulnerability and Freedom are two wings of the one bird.

Have you ever felt the exhilaration of getting something off your chest, like a weight has lifted? And how freeing that is?

Have you ever had someone share something vulnerable, and you've felt like it was a rare gift that you knew you needed to be careful how you opened it? 

Have you ever felt deeply uncomfortable when someone has opened up to you and you haven't felt like you've had the tools to really be there for them?

In a world that is spinning with over-communication, over-stimulation, and desensitisation, ultimately, what most of us are deeply craving, is meaningful connection with each other.

The medicine of being vulnerable, being honest, being real is a powerful one. A healing one. One that many don't get to experience. 

Why?

Because it's too scary to be vulnerable. Too risky. Too fraught with a minefield of possible criticism, put-down and lack of empathy.

Because you've been around people who have not had the capacity to attune to you in the past.

So we don't want to traverse that territory because we might set off that ticking time bomb. 

It makes sense. That's too painful.

The thing is, vulnerability opens doors. It opens new pathways of being, of relating, of intimacy. It opens new conversations. A new vista of possibilities in a relationship, especially when it comes to sexual intimacy.

What do I mean by being vulnerable in this context? 

I mean, simply speaking what is in the deepest part of your heart. This, is where freedom lies.

There's one ingredient that is needed, that is KEY, to allow this vulnerability and that is a sense of safety and security.

When we can learn to attune with each other and create an environment of safety and connection, a weight can be lifted off not just yourself, but the whole relationship. 

When we learn how to truly listen, to 'be in, be for, and be with' the other, we can let down our guard and let the other in.

That's why creating safety is a basic principle and core value of mine. Because I have seen the positive and life-changing effect of it for the last 25 years in my practice. The more safe someone feels, the more they open up to each other and the more possibility for transformation. 

These are skills that I teach carefully at The Making Love Retreat - so that each person becomes equipped with the tools to create that safety for each other in the group and each other as a couple, so that magic can happen.

I'll always remember Julie and Con who first came to The Making Love Retreat about 8 years ago. Julie said she was shocked when Con opened up candidly on the first night. From someone who his wife felt he wouldn't even share in a small group, Con along with Julie went on to be on National TV in Australia, speaking very honestly and vulnerably about his journey as a husband and a man. His sharing on Insight, SBS in the episode 'Sexual Awakenings in Midlife' was critical for many couples to hear.

On the subject of sharing at a retreat, one of the most common questions men have about attending The Making Love Retreat is 'Do I have to share in the group?'

As an educator, I am deeply committed to an environment of learning that fosters growth and emotional safety for the individual and the couple. This means that individuals have choice about whether or not they share in the group. While it is gently encouraged, because of the transformation I have seen for participants, the choice to stay private with your thoughts and feelings in the group, and to share only with your intimate partner, is respected at all times.  

The Making Love Retreat for more information and to book this life-transforming event for your relationship.