Recalibrating Intimacy in Midlife: Perimenopause, Menopause, and the Hidden Emotional Shift

There are so many transitions in a woman’s life — through our twenties, thirties, midlife, and beyond. And of course, men move through their own profound transitions too.

As a mother, a grandmother, and a woman now in my mid‑60s, I can look back with clarity and see patterns that I simply wasn’t aware of while I was living them.

One of the first major shifts I noticed came when my children became teenagers — especially my first. Something fundamental changed. In my relationships. In my body. In my inner world.

For many women, often beginning in their thirties, the body quietly starts to enter a new phase. Hormonal changes begin — particularly the gradual withdrawal of estrogen and progesterone. This can be deeply disconcerting, especially when we don’t yet have language for what’s happening.

For years, many of us have lived in a state of giving — giving to children, partners, work, family, and community. We’ve coped. We’ve held it all together. We’ve often put ourselves last.

When this next phase arrives, it can feel as though something has been stripped away. And without understanding, that space can feel confusing, disconnected, even frightening.

The Emotional Landscape of Midlife

Alongside the physical changes, there can be a surge of emotion — grief, sadness, anger. For me, the grief was enormous.

This phase often coincides with significant outer changes too: shifts in work, changes in capacity, altered decision‑making, and a reordering of priorities. Many women notice they simply cannot hold the same volume of work or responsibility that they once did.

I often liken this time of life to autumn.

Leaves naturally dry up and fall away — not because something is wrong, but because the season has changed. So too with the identities, roles, and obligations we once held tightly. Some things are no longer meant to come with us.

This is a recalibration — but before the new can emerge, there is often a void.

The Void Is Not a Mistake

The void is where many women feel lost, flat, or uncertain. But it is also where something essential happens.

This is the time to become more self‑focused — not in a selfish way, but in a necessary way. Our bodies need care. Our psyche needs attention. And the strong emotions that may have been suppressed in earlier years now ask to be felt, processed, and integrated.

This phase invites a cleansing — a purification — so that we can come to a new place within ourselves.

It is a phase of renewal. A phase of regeneration.

How we move through this time matters.

There is now far more conversation about the biology of perimenopause and menopause, and that is a very good thing. But we must also give equal attention to the psychological and emotional transition that is taking place.

Renewal, Relationships, and Midlife Love

Even if you are single, you have likely mothered, fathered, or deeply nurtured many projects, people, and responsibilities in your life.

In midlife, these dynamics often change.

The gift of this phase is that obligation can begin to fall away — and inspiration can return.

For couples, this transition is pivotal.

The invitation is not to turn away from each other, but to turn toward each other. To consciously tend to the couple bond. To protect the “couple bubble.”

Something as simple as ten minutes a day — spent in true presence, awareness, and conscious attention — can make an enormous difference. This isn’t about productivity or problem‑solving. It’s about being genuinely present with each other.

Without this, couples can slowly become like ships passing in the night. And if the relationship is to be preserved and deepened, a shift in focus is required.

An Invitation

If you feel called to deepen into this phase of life — to work somatically, emotionally, and relationally with the changes you’re experiencing — you are warmly invited to join us.

Making Love Retreat – May: 10–16 May
Making Love Retreat – October: 9–15 October
Womantime Retreat: 13–16 August 2026

These retreats offer space to slow down, reconnect with your body, and meet this transition with presence, honesty, and support.

Midlife and Beyond is not an ending. It is a powerful turning point.

And how you meet it can shape everything that follows.