Is sex over in Midlife?

couples intimacy retreat making love menopause menopause and sex midlife midlife sexual awakenings perimenopause and sex sbs the making love retreat Apr 11, 2023

Is sex really over in midlife?

My answer is an unequivocal NO! Definitely not.

But many often feel like it is. I know I did. 

It was a profound unexpected experience at my first Making Love Retreat that convinced me with no doubt in my mind that it wasn't over. Too private to say here, but something I share in the teaching at the retreat, this experience was a turning point that gave me faith in my body, faith in the power of men's and women's bodies, and the profundity of another's presence.

The discussion on the Australian Current Affairs programme, Insight SBS last month, Midlife Sexual Awakenings has initiated many conversations on many levels. It certainly proved that sex does not have to be over at this stage of our lives.

Many of my friends, clients, and followers were perplexed and disappointed and wondered why I was given so little airplay. So many have said to me over and over 'I wanted to hear more of what YOU had to say.' So I thought I'd speak to that.

First of all, I think more importantly, the courageous Julie and Con, who have come to The Making Love Retreat a couple of times, spoke for me and the work. They spoke so authentically and in such a relatable way for anyone who does want a relationship. And were given a good portion of time for their story. How can I possibly top that? 

So I am absolutely thrilled that we were invited and so very grateful that it has given exposure to another way for other couples who are despondent about their love life to give their marriage or relationship another fresh start to life.

Having been there in the studio for 1 and 3/4 hours, I thought the editing of the show was exceptional.

Understanding that the show was about people's stories and not professional advice from me, what I had to say, really didn't fit the angle of the show. An angle I wasn't aware of when they first approached me. For those not in Australia or who cannot access the link, what I mean is, there was a memorable angle of the sensational side of sex. The producers at SBS also said that they could not be seen to be promoting anyone's business.

When I was asked questions, I spoke about creating meaningful and sustainable relationships, re-education around sex, the problems that can arise for both men and women, sexual tension, and how it can become an elephant in the room. That many women's bodies DO change in midlife. How women, who thought their bodies were over and done with sexually, discovered that after attending the retreat, their bodies felt like they did in their 20s again. That one man said that changing how they made love was '100 times better than the old way'.

I spoke about how much we can be in our minds when it comes to sex. That being in our minds, through fantasy, or thinking about our performance, being in the past or future, etc, makes us absent from our partner. That the only place where we find presence is in the body and I am so happy that they included that part.

If you want to hear parts of what I actually did say, it's here in this video. 

The whole experience prompted my take on what Midlife Sexual Awakening is. Here it is in my blog The Sensual Symphony of Love.

In my experience, in midlife and beyond, sex can be the best we have ever had. And I've heard that from so many women and men. And this really is the point that the producers at SBS wanted to make - to dispel the myth that sex is over in midlife. I completely agree that this is a myth!! And there are obviously many differing and diverse opinions about what a midlife sexual awakening is.

Thank you to all those who have joined me here over the last month. Your presence truly is reassuring that some do want an awakening of the heart, of love, and that is why I'm here.


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