I've given up

Feb 01, 2024

"I've given up on sex."

"I just couldn't be bothered anymore."

"I don't need it. I'm happy."

I hear this a lot. From women after their 40's. Or sometimes since having children. It's true. We don't NEED it, it would seem. The mind might think it doesn't need it but the body, the being, the spirit, and the heart LOVE it. Thrives on it. Oh, I know. I remember back in the day I'd be given statistics about how many women love sex or want sex or whatever sex. I'd roll my eyes and just feel so inferior.

But things have changed. I KNOW now what bodies need beyond peak and discharge sex. I KNOW the long-term effects on the psyche, the body, the heart, and the mind. I see it at every retreat and with the couples I work with. The relaxed lightness, the love, the open-heartedness, and connection, that is a result of taking the time, being truly present to each other, taking things more slowly, keeping things to a sweet point so that the moment becomes timeless... a little like this Sensual Symphony of Love.

Unveil your heart

The thing is when a woman closes the door on sex, essentially, to a degree, she closes the door to her heart. You can't separate the two. There's always a little piece that is being kept from her partner.

It's so natural to want to say, 'no more'.

Because a woman's body has been a place where we have lacked control - eg. over menstruation, pregnancy, and birthing, we lose our capacity and desire to respond positively to what we perceive as demands on us. So saying no, means we can finally regain control. Over something.

But here's the thing. We also lose control over something that is so naturally vital to us - our connection to the sensual.

Enliven your body

Watch a woman dancing with abandon and there you have her in full swing of her sensuality. The Sensual is power for a woman. But there are two kinds of power. One that wields and one that yields.

And I don't mean yield in the subservient sense, to give in or give up. I mean to yield to her sensual wildness. For no one else but herself. To re-wild in the sense of moving from the instinct of the body, not the mind. The movement that comes from within. The modern world has cut us as women away from our bodies. We have numbed ourselves down in many ways, just as a protective measure. But we are the ones who lose out. Out of the essential aliveness that naturally leads to a deepened pleasure that irons out all our creases, softens our edges and opens our hearts.

Still the mind.

When the body relaxes, the mind follows. And the heart opens.

Women these days have so many demands on us and suffer terribly from stress. Our children, (yes even the adult ones), our careers, our love relationships, our general relationships. As we reach mid-life, no longer having the protectiveness of our sex hormones, the stress hormone, cortisol rises. It is eased through relaxation practices - yoga, mindfulness, gentle exercise etc. There's one thing I can say though that tops all of these and that lasts, is Making Love in relaxation.

So ladies, when you hear yourself saying these things - "I've given up on sex. I just couldn't be bothered anymore. I don't need it. I'm happy." Start to ask the deeper question underneath those statements. It just might open up a whole other world. One that leaves you spellbound with its possibilities.

Come join me at Womantime Retreat this year to learn more.

More events for couples, to open to new possibilities:-

The Making Love Retreat

Creating Intimacy at Home

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